There are two types of welcome emails in this world.
The first type makes you feel like you just got accepted into an exclusive club run by someone interesting. Someone with opinions. Someone you actually want to hear from again.
The second type makes you feel like you accidentally signed up for a corporate newsletter from the Redundant Department of Redundancy.
Guess which one 99% of businesses send?
If you said “the second one,” congratulations – you’ve been on the internet before.
And this is what makes me grind my teeth.
The moment someone hands you their email address is peak interest. It’s the first date. It’s the “I’m leaning in” moment.
And what do they do?
They show up like a corporate training video.
What a waste.
(I once received a welcome email that used the word “excited” three times in four sentences. Was I excited? Heck no. I was exhausted just reading it. I’ll show you the worst welcome email I’ve ever seen at the end – it’s a masterclass in how to kill a list in one shot.)
The Professional Trap
So I ran a little experiment.
I signed up for about thirty different lists just to see what people were doing. Coaching programs, course creators, software companies, consultants – you name it. The whole “I help you scale to seven figures while sipping tequila on the beach” tribe.
Twenty-seven of them sent me some version of: “Welcome! Thanks for subscribing. We’re excited to have you as part of our community.”
Three of them made me smile.
Only three.
And the brutal part is those twenty-seven businesses weren’t run by idiots. They had real offers. Smart positioning. Decent sites. Some of them probably even have a brand book.
But their welcome emails read like they’d been focus-grouped to death by people terrified of offending a single human being.
You know what actually offends people?
Boring them right after they told you, “Hey, I’m interested.”
It’s like meeting someone at a party, swapping numbers, and then getting a text that says: “Hello. Thank you for the mutual exchange of contact information. I look forward to future value-based interactions.”
Thanks, no. I’d better go talk to literally anyone else now.
What New Subscribers Are Actually Thinking
Here’s the thing: Nobody signs up because they want “information.”
If they want Google, they go to Google. If they like reading they can read Reddit and Wikipedia. If they prefer videos, they go to YouTube where a 14-year-old explains it better with a gaming headset.
They signed up because something about you felt different.
Something made them stop scrolling and think, “Okay, this is interesting.”
Maybe you made them laugh. Maybe you punched a hole in a belief they didn’t realize they had. Maybe you sounded like a real person in a sea of “We’re passionate about synergies.”
So they take a tiny leap of faith and hand you their email address – which is basically permission to show up in their life uninvited.
And then your welcome email arrives like a wet blanket made of legal disclaimers: “Thank you for your interest in our services. We value your subscription and look forward to providing you with industry insights and actionable strategies.”
Ah yes. Industry insights. Really makes you feel special.
That initial spark? Gone.
You’ve turned yourself into just another boring business in their inbox. Another “utility” they’ll ignore.
And when you try to sell later? Good luck. You’re already invisible.
The Invisible Damage
Here’s the sneaky part: Boring welcome emails rarely create drama.
They don’t create obvious problems.
Nobody rage-unsubscribes. Nobody replies “how dare you!”
They just… fade. Like a friend who says “we should totally hang out” and then never responds again.
Email 2 gets fewer opens. Email 3 gets fewer. By the time you make an offer – a sale, webinar, product drop – you’re basically whispering into a trash can.
That’s not an email problem. That’s a first impression problem.
All because that first email has no pulse. No personality. No “oh this is different.” It sounded like a bot. Even if you used a good bot.
Your welcome email isn’t just “an email” – it’s your first impression. Your handshake. Your chance to say, “Hey, I’m real, and I actually care that you’re here.”
When you blow that, everything else gets harder for no reason.
So how do you fix it?
The Two-Email System
Stop treating your welcome emails like a formality – treat them like the start of a relationship.
You don’t need a ten-email welcome sequence. You probably don’t even need five.
You need two emails that don’t put people into a coma.
Email one: “Hey – glad you’re here. Here’s who I am. Here’s what I do. Here’s what you’re getting. Here’s why you’ll like it.”
Email two: “Okay, now that we’ve met, here’s something useful.” Could be a lesson. Could be a framework. Could be an insight they can actually use today. Funny GIF work well too.
That’s it.
Two emails. Both with personality. Both with a bit of value. Both sounding like a real letter from a normal flesh-and-bones person who eats food, sleeps well and has opinions.
After that, your regular sequence can do its thing.
But those first two? They’re your foundation. Get them wrong and you spend the rest of the year yelling “WHY WON’T THEY OPEN MY EMAILS” into the screen. Get them right and everything gets easier.
Here’s what that first shift looks like on paper
Before: “Thank you for subscribing to our newsletter. We’re excited to have you join our community of entrepreneurs and business owners. You’ll receive valuable insights on marketing, sales, and business growth delivered to your inbox each week.”
After: “You just signed up for emails from someone who thinks most fitness advice is recycled garbage that sounds smart but doesn’t actually work. Fair warning: I’m going to say things that might make other trainers clutch their pearls. If you’re cool with that, we’re going to get along great.”
Same intent, but completely different feeling.
The first one makes you think, “Okay, another business email.”
The second one makes you think, “Okay, this might be interesting.”
That difference prints money.
The cost of playing it safe
Let’s use simple math because math doesn’t lie.
For instance, you get 100 new subscribers this month.
With a boring, “professional” welcome email:
- Email 1 (Welcome): 65 people open it
- Email 2: 28 people open it (57% drop – yikes)
- Email 3: 19 people open it (71% drop from welcome)
- Email 4: 14 people open it (78% drop from welcome)
- By Email 5 (where you make an offer): 11 people open it
So you start with 100 people. By the time you ask them to do anything, 11 people remain conscious.
Eleven. Out of one hundred.
That’s an 89% failure rate. If a restaurant lost 89% of customers before they ordered, the chef would start a cooking podcast because the restaurant would be dead.
Now with a welcome email that has a heartbeat:
- Email 1 (Welcome): 68 people open it (similar start)
- Email 2: 47 people open it (31% drop instead of 57%)
- Email 3: 39 people open it (43% drop from welcome)
- Email 4: 34 people open it (50% drop from welcome)
- By Email 5 (where you make an offer): 32 people open it
Same 100 subscribers. But now you’ve got 32 people paying attention instead of 11.
That’s tripling your engaged audience with the exact same traffic. The exact same opt-in page. The exact same offer. The only variable is not boring people to death on day one.
Now money.
Say you’re selling a $200 product. Optimistic conversion rate: 3% of opens buy. (very optimistic)
Boring path: 11 opens × 3% = 0.33 sales = $66 in revenue
Engaging path: 32 opens × 3% = 0.96 sales = $192 in revenue
That’s +$126 from the same 100 subscribers.
Multiply that across a year with 1,000 new subscribers a month, and you’re looking at an extra $15,120 in revenue.
That’s a used car. That’s a decent vacation. That’s hiring help so you’re not doing everything yourself. All from fixing one email.
And here’s where it gets worse. (because it always gets worse)
Those numbers assume you only sell once.
What if you’ve got multiple products? What if you launch twice a year? What if you have high-tier programs and subscriptions?
Every boring welcome email isn’t just costing you one sale. It’s costing you every future sale. Because once someone categorizes you as ignorable, it’s almost impossible to change their mind.
I’ve seen businesses with great products, solid offers, and decent traffic wonder why their email sales are terrible. Then I look at their welcome email and it’s the same corporate vanilla pudding everyone else sends: “Thank you for joining our community. We’re excited to provide you with valuable content.”
That email killed your list before you ever got a chance to sell anything.
You can send brilliant emails later. You can offer amazing products. You can have the best value proposition in your industry. Won’t matter – they’ve already filed you under “meh.”
That’s what makes the welcome email so critical. It’s not just another email. It’s the moment that determines whether someone sees you as interesting or invisible.
And invisible business don’t make sales.
What to do right now
If your welcome email sounds like it came from a compliance department, fix it. Today.
It literally takes 1 hour max, so no excuses here.
Open it. Read it out loud. If you sound like a HR, rewrite it like you’re emailing a good friend. Not your best friend – that might be too casual. A good friend. The one you can grab coffee with and have actual conversations with.
Could be Bob. Could be Sarah. Could be Mohammad or Elena. Imagine they’ve just joined your list and you’re sending them a 1-1 message about what to expect.
Would you say “We’re excited to provide you with valuable insights”?
No. You’d say something like “Hey, glad you signed up. Here’s what I’m sending you and why I think you’ll like it.”
Would you ever say: “As a valued member of our community…”
Absolutely not. You’d say: “I’m going to send you stuff that actually works. And I’ll skip the buzzwords because life’s too short.”
That’s the voice.
No need to be sure-nice – just honest.
Make your subscriber think: “Oh good. I picked the right list.”
If you want to see exactly what this looks like in practice, the First Impression Kit breaks down the structure with examples for different business types. You get subject lines. Real examples. A fill-in-the-blanks system so you don’t end up wondering what to say.
No endless modules about “finding your voice.” Just the two emails you actually need to nail your first email impression. Just plug in your stuff and send it.
Screw it, and the rest of your funnel becomes an expensive coping mechanism. Get those right, and everything else gets easier.
Because your subscribers want to like you. They wait for a reason to stick around. They want to feel like they found a gem.
Give them that.
P.S. The worst welcome email I mentioned. Got this from a SaaS company with a $50M valuation. Word for word:
“Welcome aboard! We’re thrilled to embark on this exciting journey together! As a valued member of our community, you’ll receive curated content designed to empower your entrepreneurial journey. Stay tuned for exclusive insights, actionable strategies, and game-changing resources. Here’s to your success!”
Three exclamation points. Zero personality. 100% buzzword salad. Their list was dead before it even started.
Don’t be that business.